Gratitude
How often do I discount the blessings in my life due to a moment of grief or turmoil?
Taking the time to be grateful in ANY moment at ANY time has always left me with an optimistic outlook. It has yet to disappoint. Yet, there are days when I don't WANT to see the blessings in my situation. I just want to sit in my upset.
I am SO blessed. When I think about where I was 10 yrs ago to where I am today I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude. I have grown in ways I never imagined I would/or could. I know who I am, what I want for my future and where I am going. I am happy with my life.
Sometimes I find myself comparing, feeling insecure or not enough.
Ok, so when you are comparing yourself to another...how does that work for your state of mind and self esteeem?
When I am feeling low and I compare myself to another girl who I think has better qualities or attributes than me I feel even worse about myself.
What do you mean 'not enough'?
Like I am unworthy of the life I am living...someone better than me deserves all of the blessings.
If you were to step back and look at your thoughts objectively...what would you think?
Honestly, I would feel like they are very dramatic. Embarrassed that I feel so low. I would focus on how attractive confidence and self esteem look on me. I would look at my heart and know that I am on an equal playing field with the other woman of the world. We can ALL be amazing, beautiful and talented.
I wonder if I will always struggle with my self esteem. If I didn't have this struggle I would have another one and I'm sure I wouldn't like it any better.
I think it's time I own the effort and work I'm putting into my little buddy. I have a true gift for working with kids and it is definitely showing through. It truly feels good to feel so appreciated at my job for the gifts God gave me. I can see how at the ER I was constantly trying to 'prove my worth' and fit in. I never felt like I succeeded and it broke me down. I couldn't invest the time and energy into the patients that I desired to do. That job fed my ego and that's where I found my confidence. That is not an authentic way to be built up. That is not who I want to be.
I also don't want to be the girl who eats her feelings and then feels so ugly and repulsive she can't stand to look at herself in the mirror. When I close my eyes I can see a girl who is full of light, love and laughter...who sees the best in the worst situation and works hard to maintain a sense of peace. I see a girl who appreciates the little things in life and doesn't ask for much. I see a girl whose smile brightens up the room and has a cute laugh. I like this girl. She's really cool to hang with.