Getting grounded

 

JOURNALING PROMPT - DAY 2

Getting Grounded.

When we feel fear, it can disconnect us and make us need to reground. How do you feel right now? Write about it. When we are ungrounded, we may feel fatigued, lightheaded, dizzy, like we can’t think straight or like we have foggy thinking, lazy, like we feel like doing nothing, etc. Place your feet on the floor and imagine the bottoms of your feet opening up. As they do this, the energy of the earth rises up and attaches to your feet and begins to pull your energy down. This is grounding. Sit for a while and notice how your feet feel. Do you feel the energy traveling up your legs and body? Notice the sensations. Write about your before and after experience. 

This morning i awoke and the thought on the front of my mind is fear of an MS diagnosis.  It has been about 12 years since i had an MRI of my brain.  Just this week, i noticed sensations and aching in my right leg similar to what I’ve felt in my left leg that led me to a neurologist all those years ago.  i find myself going down the 'what if' rabbit hole and mentally consumed by fear.  i remember the day i scheduled the appointment for the neurologist and how i felt curious to find an answer for what i was feeling.  i remember the devastation i felt when i heard that he wanted to 'rule out' MS due to a lesion on my MRI.  i remember the pain of the nerve conduction test and the curiosity as to what may have caused the nerve damage they found.  i remember feeling humiliated when we moved to Kansas and went to the neurologist who said i was the healthiest person he had ever seen walk into his office and i was wasting my time and money.  i remember taking care of patients in the nursing home with MS and how they were basically bed-ridden.  Please God...don't take away my ability to hike and explore in nature...Please don't wreck my plans to be 95 and still visiting my family and riding my bike.  C'mon can't we bargain a deal?

What thinking traps am I experiencing?

All or Nothing

Over generalization

Mental filter

Before:

I am afraid I will lose my balance and coordination before A and I get to fulfill our dreams of backpacking together.  

As I lay here I realize how often I find myself getting off balance while doing cardio at the gym.  It's much more frequent than before...and now both legs ache and feel tight, making it almost impossible to relax and sleep.  I currently find myself feeling fatigued…lazy…my mind is scattered.    I don’t want to get out of bed…my heart feels fast and I’m full of nervous energy.  If I get up I know I'll just want to stay busy to not think about this fear of loss.  …I desire to stay under the covers and wish this all away.  

During:

I felt my body relax as I focused on opening my feet up into the ground and intentionally taking deep and purposeful breaths.  I repeated the mantra…God’s will in God’s time.  God’s got me.  God's got this. 

After:

I’m feeling soft.  I’m feeling confident.  I’m ready to start my day.  I hear the sound of my alarm ringing that I need to start getting ready for work and I now wish I had time for a meditation to finish my morning work.  I feel myself looking forward to when I have the time and space to relax my mind with some verbal affirmations.

This exercise surprised me in how it helped me.  I was skeptical that it would do anything.  I have been corrected.  It feels good to verbalize the fear of loss I am experiencing.  I will work on sharing this fear with others to help take away it's power.  I will focus on the things I can control like going in for a checkup, eating healthily, exercising with balance work and managing my stress and sleep habits.