Word of the year

It's time again for the Word of the Year.

Previous words:

Gratitude

Communication

Faith 

This year I find myself at a very challenging phase of life.  As my cup of people home with me, that I engage with, continues to get smaller, I find myself struggling to be ok with myself.  I have not been able to cope with the idea of having me-time in a healthy way.  I find myself isolating, feeling down, crying and losing hope that I will ever be happy again.  

I think what I may be missing as this next chapter develops is connection.  Authentic connection with people.  I think there is a part of me that has always been afraid to miss out on anything my kids are doing.  To the point I have not invested in myself or my own hobbies. I basically live thinking when they are moved out, then I will...

I sit and wait for opportunity to be there for them, even if a whole day goes by and we don't engage.  This is not a healthy dynamic for any of us.  I realize how harmful this way of thinking is for them as well, to see a mom who isn't engaged in her own life.  This is a hard reality I haven't been willing to admit to myself for many years now. 

I have no one to blame for how I feel except myself.  No one can pull me out of this rut except for me.  It will always be my choice to feel better or not.  

So, this year I want to focus on connection.

Connection with myself and connection with others.  

Merriam-Webster defines connection as the act of connecting.  hmmmm, using the word to define the word.  Yea, that's not going to help me. 

What does connection look like for me?

Being curious about other's lives and desires

Being curious about my life and desires

Communicate openly about my feelings

Showing up to really hear someone

Speak from my heart

Have fun!

Socialize