Living abstractly

My recent expressions of future desires have been under the magnifier glass of many over the past few weeks.  I can’t lie, initially, the sting of criticism burned...like a candle in the night.  However, for one of the first times in my life I can say that I am OK with the choices I am making.  I feel confident, empowered and EXCITED!  

Recently I had a friend over, and we were hanging out on the couch talking.  She randomly gets up off the couch and says, “I just can't take it anymore.”!!I have to fix it!  ...she leans towards the large plastic Tupperware dish I have sitting out on the coffee table which has the lid on…well kinda.  The lid is just laying across the top of the container and its upside down.  She couldn't resist any longer, she just HAD to put the lid on right side up.  I made some comment about my 'abstract art' on the table and how I liked how it looked.  

I would say I live a pretty abstract life.  I am met with criticism when my choices go against the grain, but I stand firm in my beliefs and how I pursue my visions for a future.  I have spent the majority of my life taking care of others at the expense of myself.  

I am a partner, a parent, a daughter and a friend who has big visions for living life to the fullest.  Chasing my dreams and not being afraid to go against the grain.  

When I was 16 my family moved from Athol, ID to Columbia Falls, MT. I was a Junior in high school, and I heard about a program offered through the University of Montana that took you out into the wilderness to learn how to live off the land, make a shelter and find food.  I was sold on this idea!  Something inside of me came alive, and I was considering college for the first time in my days of youth. 

Well, life took a couple turns and I never ended up taking that course, but I also never stopped thinking about it.  Growing up in Idaho was the coolest childhood for me and it sparked a love of exploring and adventures in nature that are still alive in me today.

As I raised my kids in the midwest I have been grateful that they were able to be around their family...grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins.  This is something I was able to give to them that I didn't have a lot of growing up.  While I had considered the benefits of raising them in the mountains, I didn't want to take away their ability to connect with their families.  I don't for a moment regret this decision.

However, as my kids are growing up and finishing high school, I see an opportunity to spread my wings and follow my vision for a future.  

Amanda has desires of her own...I am after all- my own person.  Separate from anyone else.  Full of abstract ideas, creative views, and passions uniquely mine.  I know my kids wholeheartedly love me and want me to be happy.  If I stayed in Kansas for their sake, I may grow to resent them.  I may hold it against them in some fashion that I stayed to fulfill some sort of obligation.

As I was raising my family a part of me thought that my dreams to exist and adventure in the mountains would die.  I wanted to believe that I would be fulfilled with other things.  I was wrong.  The older my kids get the stronger my desire to chase nature becomes.

I want to live a life exemplary of chasing dreams...never accepting a life someone else chooses for me, facing my fears.  I want my kids to know the value in taking risks and stepping out to find their way.  

The greatest gift I can give to them is acceptance to be whoever they are!  To create a story that is uniquely theirs and live abstractly.  Shake up the ground a little bit...go against the grain...and pursue a life of joy and happiness!  For me this journey is in the mountains! 

Living abstractly and LOVING it! ❤️