Finding freedom

 It’s Friday!!  Woohoo!  Tomorrow is our highly anticipated annual Christmas party!!  A and I put a tremendous amount of planning/time/money into this night and we are both looking forward to it.  

This morning I awoke and found my love still in the bed next to me…so, even though I was awake, and I had a billion things pulling at me, I chose to enjoy the time I had been gifted laying next to him.  It felt nice.  

Last night I received my photos from Shutterfly I had ordered to display in my room.  I was boiling over with anticipation to hang them up and see how they looked….as soon as I was ready for work, I got to work decorating.  I was so engrossed in the moment, that I completely disregarded the sound of my alarm chiming to notify me I need to leave for work.  I just couldn’t find the desire to step away from my current task.  

I was just hanging the last few pictures when I heard Maddy from the kitchen ‘mom, your alarm is going off’.  ‘Come in here and look at what I did’ I exclaimed.  

I turned off the overhead lights and turned on the flashing lights on my picture display.  Immediately I noticed my room felt so warm and full of love….It was breathtaking, peaceful, and beautiful.  This turned out better than I had imagined…I am feeling overjoyed!  

Overall I feel great today… as I sit and observe my thoughts I realize I have a few thoughts I desire freedom from:

Resentment regarding the constant fight I have to face over my parenting rights

Feeling like I’m not accepted or good enough in the eyes of another 

Worry that my faults are being the spotlight of others’ conversations 

Negative self talk regarding my physical appearance 

The control sweets have over me and the crutch they provide to help me cope with my emotions/anxiety/boredom

Credit card debt and my attachment to external things

I find that I can make this list today almost detached from the individual items…. I feel as if I’m writing the list for someone else.  My internal peace of mind is not affected in any way by thinking about what’s on my heart.  This feels like growth for me.  A win for today…I feel free.  

 Thanks God.