Just before the big move I was sitting in the living room on the couch, and I started to feel the reality of the end of our journey on Prescott St. come to an end. While there are things I will NOT miss about this house, I will miss the family connection it provided, the view of the water, the walking opportunities away from the noise of cars, the amazingly friendly neighbors and the closeness to the kids’ friends.
As I thought about the joy this house brought, I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I had been holding these tears back for a while. I realized I was afraid to cry in front of the kids. Today was going to be different. I took a deep, slow breath and let the tears flow. I could feel the coolness of each tear as it made its way down my face. I inhaled again…letting it out slowly. ‘It will be OK’ I repeated in my head.
Out of the corner of my eye I visualized Maddy sitting across from me. She was making subtle eye gestures towards her brother, who I could hear standing behind me. The house was eerily quiet. No one spoke for what felt like an hour, but in reality it was mere moments.
It was the first time I allowed myself to let my walls down and cry in the presence of the kids. Being vulnerable still scares me. I’m not sure what it is that I’m afraid of. Sometimes I feel I have to be ‘strong’ to keep going.
I felt proud of myself for allowing my sadness to show without any expectations from anyone to ‘fix’ me. I was sad, and it was ok.
Later that night, after I fell asleep, the kids came knocking on my door to awaken me. After several minutes of persuading me out of bed without success they bribed me with ‘Posty’ on the radio. As I grumpily crawled out of bed they led me to the kitchen table. They had a thoughtful and loving surprise they had put together for me, with Posty playing in the background.
The tears flowed again as I read their sweet and loving words handwritten on the card. The coolest thing was that no one prompted them to put this together…it wasn’t a holiday or my birthday. They saw an opportunity to bring joy and they acted on it. That’s pure love. I felt intense fulfilling joy.
Last night was our first night in the apartment and I must say, without a doubt, I feel blessed. This move has been and will be very beneficial.
- Allan has shown up as my/our hero- showing his undoubting love by supporting me and taking care of the kids and I. Take whatever you need for the kids to feel comfortable…he says.
- My dear friend and hubby committed HOURS of exhausting work moving the big furniture to its new location. Accepting help graciously turned out to be very challenging for me- I struggled with thoughts that I owed them something for helping. They wanted for nothing but to help. Thanks!
- There was already an overnight friend party! 😊
- Our sweet Oaks will get more time being walked- and more trips to the dog park!
- Jayce took us down memory lane reminiscing about our game of hide and seek with flashlights…I think it may be time for another game!
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